This post isn't about trying to get a compliment from you. It's only partly about my nonexistent self-esteem. It's just me wondering about all the times I've been told that I'm pretty or I'm beautiful.
You do realize that when I just tuck my chin and look away after muttering a thanks that it's not me asking you to go on, right? Don't get me wrong, I like compliments just as much as anyone, but it's just hard for me to believe you. How am I supposed to? I can't see it, and even though you don't have to tell me something that nice, I always think that it's just something you're saying to kill the silences in a conversation. A polite comment to hold the silence at bay.
Like I said, I'm not asking you to reaffirm the compliments, no matter who you are or if you've even ever thought that about me. All I'm saying is that I don't believe it. I don't know how to take a compliment. I can take criticism a lot better than I can praise. Especially praise for something that I had nothing to do with.
When I look in the mirror, all that I see is a girl that could stand to lose some weight, (I'm being honest. Don't pretend that you never noticed.) has pale skin without that many flaws, frizzy black hair that can shine if the light's cooperating, and eyes that are the weird border between hazel, gold, and green without being as beautiful as the colors would be on their own. I see another face in the crowd, silent and a little alone. I don't see anything remarkable at all about the girl in the mirror, except maybe the way her eyes and mine lock and she almost looks like she's daring me to say something, anything, to start a conversation.
Then I have the same problem with her that the rest of the world does.
I don't say a damned thing to her.
